Denial
by MegTDJ
Summary: Missing scene for Fire and Water. When Daniel is presumed dead, Janet finds out just how much he meant to the people around him... including her. 2 in the Love Comes Softly series.


Title: Denial  
Author: MegTDJ  
Category: Missing scene; drama  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: Daniel/Janet friendship  
Spoilers: Fire and Water  
Summary: Missing scene for Fire and Water. When Daniel is presumed dead, Janet finds out just how much he meant to the people around him... including her. #2 in the Love Comes Softly series.  
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1, its universe and its characters are not mine. The story itself is, however, so please don't archive without my permission.

Author's notes: Not my favourite of the missing scenes I've written, but here it is! I hope you enjoy. :)

Many thanks, as always, to the crowd at Gateview for their constant encouragement and snippet demands. Fic writing would be boring without you guys! smooches

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

**Denial**

Janet looked around at the sea of unhappy faces as everyone filed out of the gateroom. The memorial was over. Daniel Jackson was gone forever.

She could hardly believe she'd made it through the ceremony without crying, but truth be told, she was feeling something more along the lines of numb than grief-stricken. The feeling had set in the moment Colonel O'Neill had so casually announced right in front of her, "Daniel's dead, Sir." Her mind hadn't fully wrapped itself around the idea yet.

Neither had SG-1's, from the looks of it. She had noticed that ever since they'd returned without him, Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, and Teal'c had often seemed to expect him to appear alongside them like nothing had happened. It was just a look or a gesture each of them gave every now and then, but the meaning behind it was unmistakable.

She kept telling herself that it was only the denial phase of the grieving process, but somewhere deep inside there was a part of her that just didn't know what to think. Colonel O'Neill was very adamant that they not return to the planet to collect Dr. Jackson's remains. Even though she had only known the colonel for a short time, she knew that this was very out of character for him. Something more was going on here, but she was damned if she knew what.

No one said a word to her as everyone left to get ready for the wake. She only caught a glimpse of SG-1 as they headed for the locker rooms to change, but she could tell that the three of them were more or less in shock. Holding the memorial service must have brought the reality of Dr. Jackson's death down upon them like a block of cement. She could only imagine what they must be going through.

She hastily made her way to the surface, out to her car, and then home, wanting to get changed and freshened up quickly in order to be at Colonel O'Neill's house early enough to help with the refreshments. She hesitated when she opened her closet to find something to wear. She didn't really feel that black was appropriate for a wake, especially when it was for a man like Daniel Jackson. She knew that he wouldn't want his friends and colleagues to mourn for him. That was just the kind of man he was.

After much deliberation, she decided on cream coloured slacks, a white tank top, and a yellow jacket. She had overheard Dr. Jackson telling Captain Carter one day that he loved yellows and creams, so she felt that he would be happy with her choice if he were looking down on them now.

That thought sobered her considerably. Not wanting to face that reality just yet, she shoved it to the back of her mind and continued getting herself ready.

Less than an hour later, she was at Colonel O'Neill's house, setting up the trays of food and drink and trying not to get too much in the colonel's way. He paced back and forth through the house, seeming almost lost even though it was his own home, only snapping out of his daze for a moment now and then when someone asked him a question regarding the refreshments. He seemed to be torn between grief and confusion.

She half expected that he would run off and hide somewhere once the guests arrived, but to her surprise, as soon as the doorbell rang he began to act as though nothing was wrong. He greeted each guest warmly, poured drinks, and even told jokes. She was quite impressed.

It was actually quite a nice wake, all told. Janet had never been to one before, coming from a family who much preferred a somber funeral to a joyful wake, but she could see the appeal of them. It seemed oddly comforting to get together with friends and talk about the departed with fondness rather than regret.

Early into the gathering, General Hammond gravitated towards her, and Janet could see that he had something on his mind. He greeted her politely and they began to exchange small talk, but it wasn't long before the conversation turned onto Dr. Jackson.

"I almost didn't allow him onto SG-1, you know," he said in a sorrowful tone. "I wish now that I hadn't."

"You couldn't have known, Sir," Janet reassured him. "Just think of all of the good he's done out there in the short time he was with us. You have no reason to regret your decision."

General Hammond nodded slowly, but he still looked as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders. After a moment, though, a glimmer of a smile appeared on his face, and he chuckled. "He did know how to drive his point home in order to get you to see things his way," he said.

Janet smiled. "Yes, he did," she agreed. "I can't count how many times he's weaseled his way around me these past few months. He always knew just what to say to get me to change my mind about... anything."

Hammond laughed and shook his head, but then he grew serious again. "I can't help but wonder..." he said, his voice trailing off mid-sentence.

"Wonder what, Sir?"

He was silent for a moment, but then he said quietly, "Whether he'll appear again someday."

Janet narrowed her eyes at the general as she tried to comprehend this cryptic statement. "What do you mean, Sir?"

He shook his head in a dismissive gesture. "Never mind. Just doesn't seem as though he's really gone yet, I suppose."

Janet felt as though there was more to it than he was letting on, but she didn't question him further. They stood there talking for a few minutes more, reminiscing about various things Dr. Jackson had done or said, and it suddenly occurred to her that she had had a lot more to do with him than she'd originally thought. She had many anecdotes to share, and they all made her realize just how close she and Dr. Jackson had been getting over the past weeks. He hadn't needed very much in the way of medical care aside from the incident with the Touched, but every time he'd come to the infirmary for his regular check ups, he'd always had a smile and a few friendly words for her. She would miss that.

Not that it had really sunk in that those visits had come to an end. She looked around at the others in the room as the conversation ended and Hammond walked away, and she could see from the looks on their faces that they were all feeling the same way she and the general were - that Dr. Jackson couldn't really be gone. If he really was never coming back, they would all be affected by it in some way. Janet couldn't imagine anyone knowing that man and not noticing his absence if one day he was gone.

Yet she knew that it had already happened before. From what she could understand, when he had been declared dead on Abydos two years earlier, no one had even batted an eye. Out of the handful of people who noticed his absence - Colonel O'Neill, Major Ferretti, Major Kawalsky, and Catherine Langford - most of them knew he was still alive and so didn't feel the need to grieve.

She was glad that wasn't the case this time. A man as kind-hearted and friendly as Daniel Jackson should be sorely missed by the world when it's his time to go.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Janet knew it was ridiculous to feel this way, but the SGC really did seem strange without Dr. Jackson there. He'd been away for days at a time before, but this time it was different. This time Colonel O'Neill, Captain Carter, and Teal'c were hovering around her infirmary, and Daniel Jackson wasn't with them.

It was growing clearer to her by the moment that something wasn't right here, but she didn't know what to do about it. Each remaining member of SG-1 was showing symptoms of some kind of psychological tampering, and they all seemed to have conflicting feelings about Dr. Jackson's death. None of this was making her job any easier.

She took Hammond's order to find out what was going on very seriously. She felt a sense of urgency about it that she couldn't quite explain. If Dr. Jackson really was still alive and was alone out there on that volatile world, they didn't have a moment to lose. Knowing she was out of her league, she put in a call to Dr. Mackenzie and asked him to come down to see what he could find out through his own methods.

Everything moved quickly after that. In just a little over an hour, they had their answer - an alien had implanted the memory of Dr. Jackson's death into the minds of his teammates. They had left him behind.

Captain Carter's anguished cries shook Janet to the core. "We left him behind!" she chanted over and over into Colonel O'Neill's shoulder as he pulled her into a strong embrace. Janet couldn't imagine anything more horrible than finding out you'd unknowingly left your friend in the hands of the enemy.

Colonel O'Neill wasted no time in getting his team ready to go through the gate in search of his friend, and Janet's head was still in a whirl from it all by the time they left. One minute Dr. Jackson was definitely dead, the next they weren't sure, and the next he was almost certainly alive. She wasn't sure what to think or feel about any of it, but she had long ago come to the conclusion that strange things were going to come her way every day in this place. She should be getting used to it by now.

She thought back to the day they'd been plagued with the disease from "the Touched," and remembered how everyone but SG-1 had expected then that Dr. Jackson would never return to them. Yet they'd found him and brought him home just a few hours later, injured but very much alive. She could only hope that would be the case again this time.

Just to be on the safe side, she busied herself preparing the infirmary for whatever emergency work she might have to perform on the man. With any luck, she wouldn't have to wait for long before her favourite patient graced her with his presence once again.

It was less than half an hour later that the off-world activation klaxons began to sound. Janet grabbed her med kit, motioned to her nurses to follow her, and took off at a run for the gateroom. She got there just in time to see four smiling people walking down the ramp.

"Welcome home, Dr. Jackson," General Hammond said, standing at the foot of the ramp with a huge smile on his face. "We thought we'd lost you."

"So I've heard," Dr. Jackson replied. "It's good to be back, General. Thank you."

Colonel O'Neill grinned and clapped his friend on the back. "Told ya we'd bring him back, Sir. This guy's got more lives than a cat."

Dr. Jackson winced at the colonel's sudden action, and forced a smile at his comment. Janet noticed then that he looked absolutely exhausted... and soaking wet.

"Alright, make room," she said as she made her way between the people surrounding Dr. Jackson in order to get a better look at him. "Are you injured anywhere, Dr. Jackson?" she asked. "Any pain?"

"Just a massive headache," he replied, rubbing his face wearily. "Nem... the creature that was holding me there... used some kind of device on me to extract some information from my mind. It hurt like hell."

"He what?" Colonel O'Neill snapped, grabbing Dr. Jackson by the arm and turning him around to look at him.

"I volunteered for it, Jack, don't worry," Dr. Jackson said. "He just wanted to know what happened to his wife."

"I sense you have quite a story to tell us," Janet said in wonder. "But right now, I need to get you to the infirmary so I can run some tests."

Dr. Jackson nodded and followed her from the room without another word.

Janet couldn't hide her smile as she heard the others following along behind, exchanging playful comments back and forth like they always did. She was glad that Dr. Jackson was finally home, and life around the SGC could get back to normal again.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"Well, all of your tests check out fine," Janet said as she snapped Dr. Jackson's file shut. "It seems that Nem's machine didn't do any significant damage to your brain, if any at all. I can give you something for the headache if you like, but it will more than likely go away on its own after you've had a good meal and a night's sleep."

"Having my glasses back makes a big difference," Dr. Jackson said, tapping his spare frames in emphasis. "I think part of the problem was eyestrain from having to translate all that writing without them."

"Yes, it's a good thing you had a couple of spare pairs. You seem to go through them pretty quickly."

Dr. Jackson laughed, though his smile didn't seem to reach his eyes. "Yeah, no kidding."

Janet studied him closely as he put his overshirt back on over his t-shirt. He seemed troubled by something beyond the headache that he hadn't yet said anything about. "Is something on your mind, Dr. Jackson?" she asked.

He looked up at her in surprise, but then quickly dropped his gaze again. "What do you mean?"

"You just seem a little... troubled about something," Janet replied, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, besides the headache, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Janet pressed. "Nothing happened that you're not telling me about?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then he slowly shook his head. "Nope."

Janet felt slightly disappointed that he hadn't chosen to confide in her about whatever was on his mind, but she gave him a smile and patted his arm gently. "Okay, well... you're free to go," she said. "Just don't forget to come back tomorrow morning. There are some follow up tests I'd like to run."

"Thank you," Dr. Jackson murmured. He rose to his feet and slowly walked towards the door.

Janet was really beginning to feel concerned about him, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it unless it was a medical condition. In her frustration, she absently looked down at his chart again, glancing over it to see if there was anything she missed.

Suddenly a light bulb went on over her brain.

"Happy birthday, Dr. Jackson!"

Dr. Jackson stopped and spun around to look at her, his eyes wide in shock and confusion. "How did you know about that?" he asked.

Janet gave him a sheepish smile and pointed to the file in her hands. "Birthdate, July eighth," she said. "You haven't told anyone?"

He looked uncomfortable at this question. "No, I haven't. Please don't mention it to anyone, okay?"

"Why not?" Janet asked.

Dr. Jackson winced. "I just... don't want anybody to know," he said, starting for the door again.

Janet stepped forward and called after him, "Dr. Jackson?"

He turned at the doorway and looked back at her, his face devoid of any emotion. "Yes?"

"I know I can't begin to understand what you're going through with... your wife..." Janet hesitated mid-thought, and felt it was best not to finish that sentence at all. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I saw over these past few days just how much these people care about you. Don't shut them out completely."

Dr. Jackson narrowed his eyes at her as he seemed to study her face for any sign of an ulterior motive. Not finding one, his expression softened, and he nodded. "I'll try," he said.

Then he was gone.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Janet sighed as she walked down the hall from her office to the main medical bay. She could tell from the stacks of paper on her desk that this was going to be a long day.

Her spirits were immediately lightened, however, when she stepped through the doorway and saw Dr. Jackson perched on one of the infirmary beds, swinging his feet back and forth as he listened to something Colonel O'Neill was telling him. The colonel was standing beside him with his arms folded, a relaxed, almost amused expression on his face as he chattered away.

As Janet drew closer to the two men, she began to be able to make out the colonel's words. "So then the first guy said, 'I'm not a donkey... I'm an ass!'"

Both men burst into laughter then, though Dr. Jackson's was a little more subdued than the colonel's. Still, it was a wonderful sound to hear. Janet couldn't remember ever seeing Dr. Jackson laughing before.

"Looks like you two are having a good time here," Janet said as she came up beside them. "How are you feeling, Dr. Jackson?"

"I'm fine," he answered.

Before he could say any more, Colonel O'Neill patted his shoulder and said, "Did you know it's his birthday today, Doc? I can't believe he didn't tell anyone until this morning. We would have thrown a party or something."

Janet could have sworn Dr. Jackson began to blush at this statement, but he quickly looked down and let his long hair fall over his face to hide it. "Yeah, that's part of the reason that I didn't tell anyone, Jack," he said. He glanced up at Janet over the rims of his glasses then, and gave her an almost imperceptible wink before dropping his head down again.

"Well, we are at least going to take you out for dinner someplace cool tonight," Colonel O'Neill said. "Someplace they serve good desserts. We can get them to put a candle in yours..."

He rambled away for a little while longer, but Janet wasn't really paying attention. All she could hear was the quiet sound of Dr. Jackson's occasional chuckles over what the colonel was saying, and all she could see was the light in his eyes that hadn't been there for as long as she'd known him. She couldn't believe the difference in him now. It was like he had finally come to realize how much the people around him truly cared for him. It was beautiful to see.

She only hoped that he would never lose sight of that again.

THE END


End file.
